Blog - Paper 1
a)
TODAY a new Olympic record was set for the 100-meter dash by a man named Usain Bolt. The race was shaky at the start, Usain seemed to be tripping over his own feet allowing runner Richard Thompson to take on a tremendous lead. One of the best starts we have seen in Olympic history. But after a good 20 meters or so Usain gathered his composure and overtook Richard Thompson in no time at all. It almost seemed like he was confused by how fast he was running, looking over his shoulder here and there. But once he noticed how far ahead he was, he started pounding his chest in triumph before crossing the finish line. Usain's win was like no other, from a shaky start to a record-breaking triumph, I'm sure that we are all excited to see how he competes in four years' time. Oh, I wish you were here to see it, the crowd was wild.
b)
First and foremost, the pieces of writing are obviously two completely different forms. One is an autobiography and the other is a newspaper report. The newspaper is much more upbeat and expresses how amazing the win was when it comes to tone, "Usain's win was like no other". But on the other hand, Usain's biography expresses a much more surprised emotion. He even starts by saying how he "talked garbage to me in every race I've ever run in." When he is ahead in the race he even goes to say, "Oh man, oh man... I'm gonna win this race!"
The autobiography is also much more informal and uses words like, "man" and "where the hell," and this is because these are a direct reflection of his emotions at the time. He also uses dialect words from his culture to further express these emotions. The newspaper report also shows emotion over the situation but remains much more formal because it speaks in regards to an audience who wishes to know what happened at the race. Usain remains very conversational about the topic at hand.
The structure also plays a role in these extracts. For example, they both follow a timeline structure and talk about the event in the order it happened. But the autobiography uses short exclamatory sentences and more paragraphs to explain each individual thought and emotion behind every second of the race. The newspaper report was in one big block that explained the race from an outside perspective.
Usain's usage of repetition also ties into the tone and structure of his autobiography, constantly saying words like, "chill." There are also different areas of focus between each article, the newspaper focuses on Usain Bolt and describes his win in the 100-meter dash. But Usain's autobiography shows him focusing on one of his teammates and the former record holder, Asafa Powell. In short, the newspaper talks about Usain simply winning, and the autobiography talks about Usain's determination to beat Asafa.
As indirectly stated before, the autobiography is a much more emotional piece than the newspaper report is. Usain will say things like, "Wow! How did he do that?!" while the newspaper will say things like, "Richard Thompson to take a tremendous lead." There is a clear differentiation in these two pieces.
There is also a usage of rhetorical devices in Usain's writing, where he asks himself questions, "What are you doing? Do I need to run harder? Can I chill?" improving the overall emotional appeal to the audience. The newspaper doesn't strive to create a large connection with the audience, its purpose is to simply give information on the race while keeping the audience entertained.
Hey Aiden,
ReplyDeleteYou have a very well-written blog, man, good job.
TABLE A:
SECTION A01:
For Table A, section A01, I am going to give you five out of five marks. I am giving you 5/5 marks because you had a very sophisticated understanding of text. You had a clear understanding of the audience’s mood that would be reading this newspaper article by saying “Oh, I wish you were here to see it”. After reading this, most readers would be wishing they were there to witness a historic event like this, so this was a great thing to say. Also, you showed clear understanding of how much meaning this event has to sports, the world, etc by saying, “Usain's win was like no other, from a shaky start to a record-breaking triumph, I'm sure that we are all excited to see how he competes in four years' time.” Not only do you show how important this is when you say “Usain’s win was like no other”, but you also mention the future when you say “I’m sure that we are all excited to see how he competes in four years’ time.” This mention of the future makes the audience curious and want to read the same newspaper company’s papers to get information about Bolt when the next olympics occur.
SECTION A02:
For Table A, section A01 I am going to give you another five out of five marks. You used proper language like “tremendous”, “triumph”, etc. that a real newspaper writer would use. Also, throughout the entire article you never drifted off and always stayed relevant to the topic you were writing about. From your first sentence, “TODAY a new Olympic record was set for the 100-meter dash by a man named Usain Bolt. The race was shaky at the start, Usain seemed to be tripping over his own feet allowing runner Richard Thompson to take on a tremendous lead.” to your last, “Oh, I wish you were here to see it, the crowd was wild.” you kept consistent and kept on task.
TABLE B:
SECTION A01:
For Table B, section A01, I am going to give you five out of five marks. You had a deep understanding of the intent of both yours and Usain Bolt’s pieces of literature, and you frequently added useful quotes to compare. You understood who the audience is and how the audience would feel reading both of the pieces of literature. You made necessary and insightful comparisons of characteristics of text found in both pieces of literature.
SECTION A03:
For Table, section A03, I am going to give you 9 out of 10 marks. You brought up amazing points about structure like, “The structure also plays a role in these extracts. For example, they both follow a timeline structure and talk about the event in the order it happened. But the autobiography uses short exclamatory sentences and more paragraphs to explain each individual thought and emotion behind every second of the race.” that made spotting the differences easy for the reader. You talked about the language in both the autobiography and the article, “Usain will say things like, "Wow! How did he do that?!" while the newspaper will say things like, "Richard Thompson to take a tremendous lead." There is a clear differentiation in these two pieces.” that showed that you knew exactly how language affects someone’s writing. The only reason I didn’t give you a full 10/10 marks is because while you did relate both to the audience, you barely mention the meaning of both. Next time, I would devote at least a sentence to why both are meaningful and important in their own respects.
Overall, wonderful job my dude. Keep up the good work.
- Andrew M.
Hey Aiden, I liked your blog and I think it was really good.
ReplyDeleteAO1- For section AO1, I am giving you 5 out of 5 marks. You had a really good understanding of the texts. You showed this by comparing the two texts and touching on the different aspects of the two. You made sure to reference both of the texts when writing your analysis.
AO2- For section AO2, I am giving you 5 out of 5 marks. You used proper language that would be used in a newspaper article. You stayed on task and never once strayed off and talked about something else. You did a good job at addressing your audience as well. The only thing you could have added was a headline to your article. All news articles have one, but just because you didn't have one, doesn’t mean that you get points off.
AO3- For section AO3, I am giving you 9 out of 10 marks. You had a good detailed analysis of the two writings. When it came to the autobiography written by Usain Bolt, you made sure to touch on everything. You talked about structure, language and tone of the writing. You also did a really good job at comparing and contrasting the two writings. For example, you talked about the tone of the two articles, and how the newspaper article has a more formal tone than the autobiography.