Blog - Paper 2 Question 1
Blog - Paper 2 Question 1
1a)
Welcome to Marco Island Academy!
Here at Marco Island Academy, you will experience some of the greatest teachers across the entire state of Florida. You will also be able to grow and shape your own future through the programs offered here at MIA. But what exactly do you need to know in order to get started?
The Building
Well first things first, you will want to become acquainted with our brand new building here at MIA. Featuring three floors, each with its own academic basis, there are endless opportunities and classes that are offered here at MIA. On the first floor, you will find all of our humanities classes, the second floor features our English and art classes, and the final third floor has all of the math and science courses that we offer here at MIA. On the third floor, you will also find the lunch area where half of the students of the school gather at their designated lunchtime.
Academics
Continuing, it's important to know about the AICE courses that we offer here at MIA. These courses are very important towards getting a Florida Bright Futures Scholarship. This can be very beneficial to you in the future. It’s also important to make sure you reach your credit requirement to graduate by the time you are a senior. Lots of classes are offered at MIA and you have plenty of leeway in deciding your own academic pathway.
Clubs
Lastly, make sure you save some time to indulge in all of the clubs that we offer here at MIA. From the fishing club to the Japanese club there are plenty of clubs that are school offers in order for you to feel at home. There are also many academic and volunteer clubs like Key Club and the National Honors societies. These clubs will help you reach your volunteer hour requirement and will help you expand your knowledge of the community around you. If you have any questions, message the email down below!
1b)
Given that this was a leaflet designed for incoming students I tried to sound as optimistic as possible in order to encourage a happy environment for the new student. By keeping my tone professional and happy at the same time I am able to give out valuable information without overwhelming anyone. If this leaflet was designed for adults I probably would have written this leaflet much more monotone and worked to solely deliver information.
In terms of the information I used, I made sure to start by explaining the new building and what each floor features. I essentially toured the building in order to make the classroom locations much more understandable to the reader. I then started talking about the importance of certain courses that are offered at our school and explaining how we are preparing students for an extraordinary future.
The third paragraph makes students feel more at home and can calm them in case they start to get overwhelmed by the information I had just given out. I introduced the possibility of joining a multitude of different clubs that can suit a very wide variety of students. I talked about fun clubs like the fishing club, and even academic clubs in order to appeal to students who like to focus on a more academic approach.
In sum, I made sure to exemplify the atmosphere of our school and make new students comfortable with the new environment. The whole goal is to familiarize the students with the school that they are joining and make sure that they have a plan for the first week of school. Joining clubs, learning about classes, and locating where they are.
Hey Aiden,
ReplyDelete1a) This is a great first paper 2 so far. I would give you a level 3. I liked how you had a clear expression of using language and how your sentences were structured well throughout your paper. Each paragraph had about three-four paragraphs and a subheading explaining your paragraphs, such as “Welcome to Marco Island Academy!”, “The Building”, “Academics”, and “Clubs”. I really liked how you also used transition words such as “Firstly”, “continuing”, and “lastly”, which can give the ‘audience’ being ‘addressed’. Though you stated some interesting facts such as, “There are also many academic and volunteer clubs like Key Club and the National Honors societies. These clubs will help you reach your volunteer hour requirement .” Here you could’ve stated a statistic. You could’ve said you need at least 100 hours to graduate high school, so that they know. Overall this section was good.
1b) Your structure in this section was great, and your reasonings for also splendid; however, you didn’t give any quotations to back up your reasonings. For example, when you said, “I talked about fun clubs like the fishing club, and even academic clubs..”. In here you could’ve reworded this extract and said “I also introduced clubs such as ‘the fishing club to the Japanese club..’” You also didn’t use ‘the writer’s stylistic choices’ which can ‘relate to audience and shape meaning’ nor analyzed ‘form, structure, and/or language’. You pretty much reworded everything you put in 1a and summarized it up, rather than you talking about how this can relate to ‘form, structure or language’. I give this section a low 2.
AO2: 8/15
ReplyDeleteYou received a 8 in the AO2 category because all of your ideas were expressed clearly, but were not very effective. I found your tone to be unemotive which is not effective in capturing the attention of the audience that was specified in the prompt. You did not have many grammatical errors, and certainly, none that impeded your communication to your reader. I do believe that your text was organized well and it was effective to introduce topics based on importance. Your use of the second person allowed you to address your audience well and your content was relevant. All of these things coincide with a level 3 on the rubric, leaving me to give you an 8.
AO3: 4/10
Although you talked about why you wrote the way that you did, you did not directly reference form, structure or language, which prevents me from allowing you to have a higher score. You did describe why the way you wrote was chosen specifically for your audience and for this I give you a 4.
12/25